From my heart to God

Has it really been so long? I always think about you...but somehow not enough. I feel so left behind. It's my own fault. Where are you? I wonder...though I'm not doing a good job seeking you. I know you're there when I fall...but I don't want to keep falling anymore. I want to soar with you.

Somehow all around me there's darkness. Can you still see my light...or has it completely faded away? I know you draw near to me...when I draw near to you...why do I tend to stay away?

I know I love you...then why is it so hard for me to show you with more than just words?

I need you...but then I act like I don't. My spirit craves for you...but I end up feeding my flesh instead. When will I stop being my own worst enemy, Lord?

Sometimes I hate myself...but I always remember that you love me. There's nothing that could ever separate me from your love...why do I feel so lonely?

Don't let my heart grow bitter...erase any hate rooted in my soul. Fill me with your love, Lord.

I feel like I can't even cry anymore...do my tears have any redeeming value at all anyway?

I look at myself and I think about all the millions of times I've asked you for forgiveness...how many more times will you forgive me each time I fall? Is there a limit before you say no more?

Something good in me dies every day I ignore you...how my spirit craves for you, Lord!

I pray for myself now...please, don't cast me away...I want my light to shine as bright as the stars in the heavens.

I am NOTHING without you, Jesus. Take me to a place of true freedom...guide my steps...let me know you're near.

I'm tired of seeing nothing but myself...my own failures, fears, my doom. Why can't I change?

I need a miracle...